Cultures have rules, lots of rules and we have to decide if we are going to follow them. On top of cultural rules we have family rules, work rules, religous rules and then our personal rules. Some lucky people have all of these line up and nothing is in oposition to the other. Others of us are happily unaware of anyones expectations on our lives. I have always been hyper aware of what others want from me, or at least of what I think others want from me. I have been known to limit my expression of self more concerned with keeping peace. I have tried to feel my way through this world keeping peace and trying not to upset the people around me until I lost my voice.
I have begun to try living by my own rules, knowing that if I am confident in my decisions then it will not matter so much what other people want from me. That if my values are manifest in my life then I will have peace and confidence to weather many storms. Standards of achievment are hard to throw off. Being 32 and married for 7 years there are certian expectation that fall on me. I should be finished with my undergraduate degree, I should have children, I should be on my way to owning a home. But my life did not follow that "normal" progression. I have had way more exciting things going in my life, and now I need a different set of rules or else I will feel behind, stunted.
My voice is emerging, I am discoving that I am a person of peace by nature and I know there is a way to usher peace into the world around me without silencing and damaging myself. There are times when sacrifice is good, when healthy love dictates the need to deny myself. There are times when sacrifice does no good to anyone and in the end hurts more than it helps.
I pray for wisdom and courage.
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