Much of my life has been an emotional response to trauma. I am seeing how when trauma is not resolved as it passes through life, and it will, it builds up. By the time Emily had died I had attended so many funerals with out resolving my grief that I sobbed for all those I had lost. I could not think of her with out going back to the first peer I had grieved, Leanne. Over time it all built up. (wondering if any of you have had this experience)
There came a point 2 years ago or so where I could no longer function. My personal trauma had overflowed. The bottle exploded! Dark days where I would have physical reactions to trauma that happened so long ago in the past. A sound could take my breath away and I would fight for hours to be able to breath again. A smell could bring tears without warning. My focus was at work was destroyed and my performance tumbled.
Now after resolving some of the traumas I am sorting and facing the rest. Inventory was shocking my major trauma list had 18 items. Those were major occurrence and since many sat in my amygdala unresolved minor traumas attached and snow balled so that daily life began to feel abusive! I have learned to tell myself, "you are having an emotional response to past trauma" to separate the past from the present. This skill is allowing me to move forward as I look back to resolve what has happened in my life. I am regaining the full range of my emotions. This has been shocking as I now feel anger again.
So how do I know when it is past trauma and not current events... the emotions are intense but even more my thinking is numb. I can not articulate what or why I am _____ fill in the blank. When removed from the situation I am recalling other events.
If you find your emotional response is to any given situation please consider the possibility that you may have unresolved personal trauma.
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