Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

I panicked. I missed the mark. I felt desperate. I felt trapped. I saw no way out. I just wanted the cycle to end. Unfortunately this is not the first time around on this marry-go-round for me. I made a mess of my life two weeks ago. I thought I was doing the right thing only to be consumed by... well I didn't have a name for it. I thought I was just adjusting to trying something new. To acknowledging a need and clearly communicating what I wanted. But I lost sleep. I felt sick. I had a hard time eating. And then one night I cried.

How many times have I heard the phrase the hard thing is the right thing. I wanted to disappear. I was willing to start over. I am sure that somewhere in there I believed that there was no going back. I have tipped the balance and I am now a burden. I have brought pain and suffering and now I will just leave. There is no going back.

But then there is the other option. Humility. Ask forgiveness. Admit my failure. Know my limits.

I want to thank God for a friend who prays. She knows who she is and her prayers were heard.