The "how" matters

"Today we don't need just technology innovators. We need behavior pioneers who innovate in HOW. One day, not too far in the future, everyone on the planet will be connected by technology. The more that happens, the more the only differentiator will be the quality and depth of your humanity- how you connect with and inspire other humans. When everyone has a smart phone, all that matters is the human content of the conversation not that you have a phone and I don't." Dov Seidman "how Why HOW We Eo Anything Means Everything"

I work for Providence Maternal Care Clinicwhich happens to be an amazing group of women who have until last March not had the "connection" of technology to get in the way of the human element in medical care. Yes I mean to say we were using paper charts!!! But this is no longer true so now as we have enterened the 21st century and are cumbered by computers in our exam rooms what sets us apart? I can honestly say that my entire clinic puts heart and soul into caring for our patients. We do not have any unimportant positions and each person who works there has direct contact with people who are in the process of growing a new life. We take this privilage to heart.

I am reading the book quoted above and hear my heart singing Yes, Yes, Yes these words go along with my personal values. They speack to the way I have lived my life and worked my jobs. Now I am in an enviornment that empowers me to make the personal connection. Midwifery Care is this unique place where humanity reigns, where patients are met where they are and embraced. Where when a woman is strugling to care for herself and consquencly her baby we ask "what is the barrior?" This may seem small but really this is huge. When a provider can come along side a woman and not judge, believeing that this woman wants to do the best she can for her baby but that there must be a BARRIER not a moral defect... This is amazing and this is why I love where I am and plan to stay for a long time.

Learning the Rhythm

Learning my own rhythm to life and being gracious to my self... sounds simple but man I have not spent the last 15 years being very kind or allowing for rhythms. Last night I had trouble sleeping and felt a load of anxiety, checking my body for signs of doom! I was sure that after having rolled off of my left side all the extra sensations meant I was having a stroke/heart attack/ Multiple Sclerosis/ or some as of yet undiscovered nerological disease. You may think I was in a panic... but no... I have gotten very good at calmly talking myself through these situations. Stroke- smile, stick out my tongue and make a burrito- okay no stroke, heart attack- well lets see have I felt this way before? yes. Was it a heart attack then? no. So why would it be this time...? okay no heart attack. Multiple Sclerosis- Self don't go there, extra sensation is not loss of feeling. Undiscovered nerological disease... hmm good one self how about feeling anxious and can't sleep! touche! Deep breaths, and now I am asleep. So it is a process and the trick is not getting mad at myself or let down. The mystical thing is that I could put on the calendar when I will have another sleepless night like this. Ready for TMI- it is connected to my monthly cycle. So much of my life is dictated by this cycle of hormones that rushes through and causes pain, emotional upheaval and reminds me that I am a woman and can carry new life.

Comfort Zones

I have been sick for two days! I hate being sick and stuck at home. I tried to go to work today and they took my temperature and sent me back home. After sleeping I continued to read The 4 hour Work Week. This is a very interesting read about a different way of looking at time, money, and life. There are questions and actions purposed through out that push you to get out of your comfort zone.

I will be trying some of these and the first one is eye gazing... Yes I will be looking people in the eye while I talk, while I listen, even while walking down the street. Sounds small but I don't do this. I watch mouths I get distracted. I crochet... So join me in being present, attentive and uncomfortable. Soon I will list the eye color of all of my friends.

Growth

Grief, my favorite topic... perhaps I have earned a masters in grief... One week ago tomorrow I said good bye to Maynard and prepared to mourn. Yet something different happened. I was sad... I cried... I had bad dreams... I did not want to eat... then only wanted comfort food *hamberger, french fries and icecream... But what was different. I only cried for Maynard. I only missed my dog. I found comfort in knowing I did the right thing and brought comfort to my dog. I did not experience compound grief. I did not revisit the deaths of my mom, dad, Leanne, Emily, JJ's mom and so on and so. I did not feel shame.

This is one small victory. That perhaps I have processed these past hurts to a point where when new pain comes, new grief, that I can now experience just that which is happening in the present. I know that grief is cyclical and with each great event I will mourn that my dad was not there. That my mom was never with me. But perhaps I can love more deeply now, with less fear of the pain that comes with seperation. Perhaps I can sit with someone else in the throws of grief and offer peace. Perhaps my daily torment is over.

Intercambios de vida

I am sitting in my living room watching Eric help a friend we have made through the Beaverton Intercambio. They are translating his education in Cuba into what is understood here in the United States. It is great to see this exchange of life happening. For all the times in the Dominican Republic that our friends came to our aid to help us understand how to do things I want to say thank you! It is a blessing to have these angles and I am very happy to get to return the favor. Also listening to Spanish spoken in the sing song fasion of the Caribean.

Memorials

This is a sad weekend for me. My faithful wonderful dog Maynard is at the end of his life. He is between 13-15 years old and has been my companion for 8 wonderful years. This weekend I am spending time with him and saying goodbye. He will be greatly missed. I will be making one more trip to the ocean with him so that we can end with the best memories possible. So when you see me next week be gentle I am missing my best friend.

This is going to be my new project I will do in 4 different colors for a co-worker who is having a baby. I should be able to finish the current blanket I am working on with in a week!

Yarn is fun and I love the soothing rhythm of it all.