Learning my own rhythm to life and being gracious to my self... sounds simple but man I have not spent the last 15 years being very kind or allowing for rhythms. Last night I had trouble sleeping and felt a load of anxiety, checking my body for signs of doom! I was sure that after having rolled off of my left side all the extra sensations meant I was having a stroke/heart attack/ Multiple Sclerosis/ or some as of yet undiscovered nerological disease. You may think I was in a panic... but no... I have gotten very good at calmly talking myself through these situations. Stroke- smile, stick out my tongue and make a burrito- okay no stroke, heart attack- well lets see have I felt this way before? yes. Was it a heart attack then? no. So why would it be this time...? okay no heart attack. Multiple Sclerosis- Self don't go there, extra sensation is not loss of feeling. Undiscovered nerological disease... hmm good one self how about feeling anxious and can't sleep! touche! Deep breaths, and now I am asleep. So it is a process and the trick is not getting mad at myself or let down. The mystical thing is that I could put on the calendar when I will have another sleepless night like this. Ready for TMI- it is connected to my monthly cycle. So much of my life is dictated by this cycle of hormones that rushes through and causes pain, emotional upheaval and reminds me that I am a woman and can carry new life.
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