Grief, my favorite topic... perhaps I have earned a masters in grief... One week ago tomorrow I said good bye to Maynard and prepared to mourn. Yet something different happened. I was sad... I cried... I had bad dreams... I did not want to eat... then only wanted comfort food *hamberger, french fries and icecream... But what was different. I only cried for Maynard. I only missed my dog. I found comfort in knowing I did the right thing and brought comfort to my dog. I did not experience compound grief. I did not revisit the deaths of my mom, dad, Leanne, Emily, JJ's mom and so on and so. I did not feel shame.
This is one small victory. That perhaps I have processed these past hurts to a point where when new pain comes, new grief, that I can now experience just that which is happening in the present. I know that grief is cyclical and with each great event I will mourn that my dad was not there. That my mom was never with me. But perhaps I can love more deeply now, with less fear of the pain that comes with seperation. Perhaps I can sit with someone else in the throws of grief and offer peace. Perhaps my daily torment is over.
I know that you have grown on the inside. I'm glad that you can take on the grief that is present and not compound it with you previous griefs. I hope to get there someday...I think I have made some small progress. I'm so glad you are an important part of our family and that we can share from each other's journey.
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