Larger Than Myself

Has my mourning become larger than myself?
Have connected with the groans of humanity
the crys of Jesus to the Father.
The moments of doubt and shame held by Peter
The fear and anger of the adulterous?
Have I allowed my cup to run over and become one?
Do I still try to contain
and not contaminate...?
What if I shatter my cup and lose myself.
Rejoyce and again rejoyce.
The uniqueness of my moments are mine
to hole to cherish,
the feelings knit me
into one humanity.

Fundraising Dots

Fundraising Dots

Is anyone interested in buying one of these Dot Cards and fundraising for my trip back down to the Dominican Republic? I will be translating for a Canadian team, this will be their second year going down and I am honored that they have requested my presence. In the fall of 2012 I was flown to Calgary Canada to share with a congregation and help them plan the focus of 2013's mission through TEARS.

If you are interested in helping to raise funds or in donating please send me an email.

kisha@tears.org

Blessings

Some creative fun

ayer fue increible

Yesterday I practiced a spiritual discipline yesterday that I have not done in years... I truly fasted. I deprived myself and every time I felt the pains of that deprivation I prayed, I reflected, I remembered that for a time I was praying with my whole body! I can not say that I heard the audible voice of God during this time, but I did feel like a spent a day "with" God.

Will I do this everyday, no that is not safe or healthy.

Will I do this every week, most likely not...

But from time to time I will remember this ancient practice and participate in a tradition of my faith; Denying ones self, decreasing so that God may increase.

If we do not feel grateful for what we already have...

What makes us think we will be happy with more?

I was unhappy with where I was living. It was the dream, small (420 square feet), NW Portland, I did not have to drive to work. So what was wrong? I could spend 20 min looking for parking if I drove; and it turns out I am a terrible driver while looking for parking. Also I avoided the car and therefore did not visit with friends. Living in a studio felt like being in a hotel. Also with the bed in my living room I would just go to bed which for me meant sleep. I was sleeping 10+ hours a night... so I have also started taking Vit. D and I hope that helps.

This weekend we moved back into the Duplex and I have to say it feels like moving home. I love this neighborhood and I wonder why we ever left. This feels like a starting over of sorts and I am more than happy to be here. I am grateful for this opportunity to live once again in the horse neighborhood of Beaverton.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to dance in the rain! Vivian Greene

Have you ever wondered why a family seems to be plagued or cursed by certain social ailments? Why education is not enough to open the doors of affluence? Why abuse repeats? Why poverty sticks? Why giving the homeless a home is not enough? Why some are paralyzed in live and others soar? How a beautiful family who has "overcome so much" could have children who do not thrive?

Well in researching the connection between over-functioning co-dependents and trauma I stumbled across some writings about generational trauma. When parent experience trauma and do not sort through the aftermath there are affects that are passed down to children. Many abused children repeat the abuse, a sick way that our concision is trying to work out what has happened to us. Sadly our brains will continue to rehash trauma at times causing more damage than the original event. We can learn a coping skill that is necessary to survive when young but causes trouble once we are adults.

Poverty has been on my mind lately. Poverty is its own kind of trauma and the affects vary depending on how a family coped and enriched life. A very cheap and available enrichment is alcohol while another is reading. You can see how these two activities both provide escape and entertainment but one can bring on a whole other slew of trauma into a family unit. My mother read while my father drank.

I have in the past been thankful that my father did not repeat the physical abuse of his childhood and given him a pass on the emotional trauma my family experienced through him. Right now I see things differently. I carry shadows of my dad's trauma. His fear of death and disease. His hyper-vigilance, his poor sleep patterns, this list continues. I think you get the picture.

So am I cursed to traumatize those around me? Hell No! But if I were not actively engaged in life, in growth, in change the danger of traumatizing others would be greater. We are all responsible to sort through life, gaining the skills to move through trauma is a skill you learn.

So if it is raining or has rained in your life there is hope. Dancing is beautiful! Humanity is resilient. Find a guide to healing and remember it gets better.

My guide has been Jesus the Messiah, Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Worry is a negative prayer...

I am such a good worrier, I can find things to worry about. But lately this quote has reminded me that this tendency to worry adds negativity to my life. When I think of prayer there is a point where Jesus instructs us to cast our cares upon him, BUT there is more instruction to trust, to not fear, to believe, to hope. I am choosing to let go of this character trait that I have cultivated for so very long. I am choosing to learn how to live a prayer of hopefulness and resilience. It is amazing to think I can choose to change my character, but the truth is that we do have this power. I can change my attitude towards life!



I can say that the impact this has had on my work/home life balance is amazing! I am able to leave the stress of work at work and vice a versa because being present is the only place we truly have influence. What can I affect right now? Where do I want to go and how can I affect that right now? In my work place we had a very hard week going through a computer conversion, Epic has come to my small office that used paper charting 2 weeks ago. Because I am choosing to accept people for who they are in the moment and giving so much more grace than I have in the past I can say honestly that I barely remember the pain of last week.

Practice the character traits that you want in your life. Surround yourself with people you want to be like. and remember "Don't worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright."